Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
