I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
you never un-have a 4some
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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