i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
