Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
