just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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