mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
