DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
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Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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