you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
