Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
