i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
pop tarts are not kleenex
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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