Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
