Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
