Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Life is so much better after having sex.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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