i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
