I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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