I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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