You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
