I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
