I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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