i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
