Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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