all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
