We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
