i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
