i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
