I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
