Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
