I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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