What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
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I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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