just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
