shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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