It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
