After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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