you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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