I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
