Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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