Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
