Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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