life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
