dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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