It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
