i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
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as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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