You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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