Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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