im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
