just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
