wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
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I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
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I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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