If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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