I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
