we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
