Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
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He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
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It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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