If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
