i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize