Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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