please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
