Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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