Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
