My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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