Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
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