its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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