I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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