he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
