i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I would fuck him just for his dog
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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