He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
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I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
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Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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