eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
