So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
