Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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