If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
