I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
