wat bout pragnant strippers??
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
