East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
