i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
