Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
