I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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